It's not easy to be an older person anywhere, whether in the rich or the less well off part of the world. But it can be very cruel indeed if one is also infirm and poor. In South Asia in general and Bangladesh in particular, the situation can be devastating. It's not just an anthropological crisis of neglect faced by all older mammals who suffer when they age, or a social issue as collective family structures weaken. It's about the reality we prefer to ignore.

It's also a class question too as the better off suffer less and often are able to care for themselves no matter how limited or lonely that life is. However, for the impoverished, old age is a curse specially designed in hell.

Care Home scenario: Notes of a reporter

In the early 2000s we produced a series for the BBC radio on the elderly. It covered both Bangladesh and West Bengal of India or the Bengali speaking world. It was a documentary of not just the problem but also the people involved as they faced old age and tried to adjust if not overcome the challenges as the elderlies and often their families.

Three types of situations and conditions were found in both spaces.

a. Care home.

b. Day- Care centres.

c. Caregiving at home.

The middle class imagination is perhaps symbolized by the song, "Briddhasrom" by Nachiketa where the song laments about the poor elderly parent who is left at the care-home by their "selfish" son who never visits the "evicted dad or mom. It is more about the loss of the joint family past, somewhat nostalgic and very middle class because basically being able to afford elderly homes requires money and only the better off can afford it.

Case studies

We visited a home in Gazipur run by a wealthy person for whom it was a prestige project. He had spent money on it but it was like a rescue center. The residents weren't there by choice but left there by others. It was not services paid for but exclusively funded by him.

That is fine but such instances are charity not a professional organized system of care giving. There are very few such examples in the country and will ever be as the rich have many causes to chase. It was more like a shelter than a Home but everyone was relieved that they were not in the street.

A more common example was the dinghy 2 roomed "care centre" we tracked down in a Dhaka neighbourhood where several ladies were found living in lieu of payment. It was pure commerce and non-registered and everyone would have been concerned about abuse but none of that was found.

In fact two ladies we talked to claimed to be satisfied with the services. One paid for her stay out of her own pocket-her savings and pension income- and was relaxed. She liked it, she said, because she was free from 'dependence" on her brother's family. There was resentment when she lived together but now that she has moved out, her family visits her regularly and they are in fact closer than before.

The other lady was occasionally angry, speaking about her life in a "home and holding her family responsible for her condition but this was better than elsewhere she said. She had become a near destitute due to a property dispute which almost threatened her safety. However, there had been a settlement and with that money she had moved in here, She felt she had been wronged but knew this place was safe and though lonely, life was acceptable.

In India

The scenario was not different in West Bengal where in the Kolkata city and the suburb of Behala, we heard the same story of residents feeling relieved that they were on their own and not a burden on others.

In one case a lady who lived with her son in a two room apartment said, "It was bad for the family including me. The parents, two kids and I made even a sitting dining space impossible. We took turns to eat and sleep and nobody had any privacy. When I got some money by luck, I chose to come here and it was so comfortable for me. Now they visit me regularly and I look forward to their visit."

I was not really ready for this response from the residents both in India and Bangladesh. Perhaps subconsciously I too had a prejudice against such Homes as most do but as I searched for "negative" responses, I found few. It would seem we are generally judgmental without asking those who were the residents of such places.

The class issue

However, the residents also belonged to a particular class, the middle. Most had some money with which they could afford to stay there and live on their own. The residents in the charity home we saw in Dhaka were both lower middle and some poor and few were from the higher classes. They would be charity cases anyway; perhaps some would become destitute but such examples don't make up a sector which has such a high need. And as always the relative better off and the poor have very different experiences of becoming old and needing care.

In the next installment, we shall discuss the case of the elderly from the impoverished class.