My school friend Saleem passed away recently, shocking all of us. Nobody had any idea that he was so seriously ill and from what I gather, nor even did he. Over the last one year, we had heard of his body aches and pains that had sent him to the CRP rehab centre for fairly long stays but cancer was unknown.

He showed no overt signs of the ailment that often affects a cancer victim and his personality, though often choleric was perhaps a bit more so, but that is common at his age which had kissed 74 years. It just never occurred to us to think on that line. Which is why his death hit so many so hard.

Telling friends about his death

Just a day later after his passing away, I realized how all are close to that proverbial age when the knock on the door is loud and we must remember that there always comes a time to pack a bag and say good-bye. What I see as different is that our generation is not really ready because the kind of natural, social and physical preparation for dying that comes with age is often missing.

Many of us are ironically far too healthy, economically and socially active with a positive mental outcome that we unconsciously suffer from a sort of "immortality delusion." In our mind, we think of the past generations, our fathers and grandfathers, those who retired in their 60s or as our age kissed the 70s at best. That seventies decade was for rest-forced for many- a slight feeling of being socially left out, reflections and even regret for some, prayers for many and dying for all.

But many of us in our 70s and kissing the middle phase are not into many of them at all. It never comes to our mind but we live in a world where age related deaths happen in the late 70s or 80s. But I am afraid even if it comes rather late, we may still be unprepared. Why? At least for some, the culture of death has changed.

Not for all I must remember. For many, particularly those who have retired from most activities and spend more time in prayers and rest, life has become a waiting station of the final train to the ultimate station. But for many of us, work and social life simply has continued in a slightly adjusted form and shape as we keep going, keep doing what we have done for most of our life and look at tomorrow as just another day rather than one of the final days.

Of a few of his friends waiting in line

When I read the news of FB on author Mohiuddin Ahmed bhai's post to confirm the news, I was in a state of shock. It was there that I learnt the killer was cancer and not some unknown ailment he was supposedly suffering from. Mphiuddin bhai lives in his residence in the rural area from where he works on his many books and regular columns. He is slightly older and has had a heart condition for years for which he has even been abroad but he remains undaunted and works on with great energy.

Another friend from school was more shocked and sadder. He never had that closure meeting with Saleem after the last conversation months back. What shocked me was that this friend of mine was himself bedridden by similar symptomatic pains. His life has shrunk, alternating between phone calls to his friends and visits to the therapy centre. It was a voice full of helplessness at his own situation.

Many of us are ailing at this age but not all are cowed. Our old friend, jurist Shahdeen Mailk has been battling many physical ills for long including poor eyesight but he is almost unstoppable and remains both intellectually active, working and spirited. Perhaps what keeps him going is his work as a teacher, lawyer and judicial thinker.

Some don't have serious health issues such as Enayetullah Khan of UNB /Dhaka Courier, commuting between Dhaka, Singapore and the rest of the world. Abrar has just recently ended a stint as a cabinet minister under the Interim regime while Khalil carries on. Rizvi spent a day in the hospital recently but he was immediately out and back to normal. However, he admits, age has arrived and let's adjust. A few aren't well for long and sort of stuck at home.

So, no one single type applies to all. Illness alone is not the only indicator but what seems common is an active productive life. Our parental generation didn't have access to that as we do and so in a way, their world was restricted and constricted. The workers, particularly the self-workers do better it seems.

Some ailments however go beyond and then one has very limited choices as our friends who are bedridden, stuck at home or just down show. Most of those who remain active gain in the long run.

So there it is, some portraits of our generation as we age. My school friend Saleem Samad was active, healthy and working independently. But when the horse rider arrives carrying a cargo of cancer as it did in his case the options are few. Yet he battled on and most of us do battle more than our ancestors do, some win and some lose. That's who we are and that's how we are defined.

Goodbye my friend