Dhaka Courier

All the news that captured the imagination in 2019

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Or at least was fuelled by it.

The Top Ten (don’t you just love them?)

1. Mithila married Srijit

Mithila, possibly an actor who doubles up as a development specialist married Srijit, who is an Indian someone in the West Bengal film industry. Nevertheless they got married and media covered every bit of their life including fake news. Even the lunch at the in-laws where beef was consumed by Srijit, a possible Hindu, grabbed public attention. Whether Mihila will have pantha or pork for dinner at her in-laws is not known.

2. Casinos raided and kingpins arrested

What everyone thought was halal as they had been around for so long suddenly became a crime and various Jubo League leaders were arrested for running casinos or gambling dens.  These guys had been running Dhaka for long and with absolute impunity and were accepted as “Pir’s by the public were suddenly stopped in their tracks and arrested.

Many questions were raised as to why now after decades because this has been how it has been always. The look of surprise on the face of the arrested leaders were more than that of shame, remorse, even fear. “You mean this isn‘t legal? But...” The fact that crime is now a matter of perception not violation of law has made it a philosophical problem not a legal one. Good show everyone.

3. Drug raids and yaba and killing and...

Such crimes did get attention but encounter killing is losing its appeal.  The routine killing  of criminals has become so common that public protested that other forms of  death/killing must be developed.  It has been suggested that perhaps theme-based encounter killings could be introduced. Taking a monthly approach would be nice. Seasonal fruits, flowers and diseases could figure too not just bullets.  However, although much money and noise were spent on this yaba control and killing of dealers, yaba is here to stay. This is having a positive impact on the national economy.

4. Nur got beaten up, again

The VP of Dhaka University got beaten up again and landed up in a hospital with several of his comrades. Cases were filed and so has been counter cases against him and those beaten up. Since lights were doused before the attack was launched, it’s obvious that nobody wants to be famous. These people may be the same lot who wore  helmets and beat up protesting students during the Safe Road movement. The news became popular because it shows that modesty has such value in our society. Sort of like hijab.

5. Porn got butchered but not gay porn

Authorities continued to show respect towards sexual minorities by refusing to ban gay porn in the general clampdown against internet porn. This has made the gay community happy. They are planning to hold a special march during Pohela Boisakh similar to the Pride Parade in the West. When asked, an ICT ministry official said, “We have nothing against happy, cheerful people who are feeling gay. We like gay. But what is gay porn? Everyone smiles in such porn?”

6. All the stars went for Umrah

All the movie stars who matter and a few who don’t went for Umrah this year. When asked why this rush a star said, “We have been doing Umrah since our school days. It’s media who makes up these stories about us. We are just friends and I am a very happily married wife planning to divorce next month but we shall take care of our children jointly as family.” Due to her heavy make up the star’s identity could not be exactly determined.

7. EC and ACC are recognized as national model institutions

Due to their excellent performance both have been declared as national institutions for others to follow. Messages of congratulations are arriving from everywhere and its speculated a special medal will be announced for both

8. Dengue declared as the national insect

In view of the stupendous success of the dengue epidemic and proving that competence is not a national phenomenon as many thought, the dengue insect has been honoured as the national insect. Few insects have achieved so much in history and dengue has spread to every 64 districts of the country. “We are humbled by its success and feel everyone should recognize what it has achieved.”

9. G.K. Shameem declared Man of the Year

G.K. Shameem eclipsed all others in presenting a success story, confidence in Fixed deposit schemes, keeping cash ready at home for emergency spending and all this without having much hair on his head. He is reported to have bribed everyone he came across in his business dealings and thrown parties where movie and TV stars did awful copies of Bollywood dances. However due to heavy make none could be recognized.

10. BPL 2019: News of the Year:

This has been the most successful BPL ever with performances of such high quality that even TC screens couldn’t pick it up. Some reports that this year’s edition has been the pits thanks to BCB has been challenged by the BPL organisers, who stated: “It’s all BNP-JI”.

  • All the news that captured the imagination in 2019
  • Afsan Chowdhury

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