Where are Marriages Made?

Tulip Chowdhury
Wednesday, January 25th, 2017


Sometime down the path of a married life, there is one thing you will wonder about and that is if marriages are really made in heaven. Yes, God did unite a man and a woman as husband and wife, but the trial period of it being heaven or hell in on Earth. For some the kingdom of marriage, peace disappears without warnings and the pandemonium pushes until one is out of the much cherished union.


While the expectations of ‘all good’ in heaven remains constant, real life goes through rollercoaster rides. All is not peaceful or beautiful. Confusions arise, the ships that began sailing on calm waters, all of a sudden face the turbulent sea. Distant shores of happiness beckon, but one knows not how to reach them. Marriage is a gamble and there are no magical ways to make it run smoothly when the going gets rough. We have marriage counsellors to help us cope with doubts and confusions that erupt like volcanoes and engulf us with fire. But while some counselling may help, not all do. Relationships that go sour are seldom on the sweet taste again. Roots to the disharmony often determine if the fall out can get back to union or not. Breach of trust between couples is like a wide crack on the earth, and it sucks the marriage in, squeezes breath out and gradual demise comes.


As life styles become time framed, home making gets challenging every day. Tying the knot and saying “I do…” has been one of the oldest norms of the society and yet marriages often seem to hold two people under so much confusion. Man and women meet, they have longs days of courtship and then when they are sure that they know each other completely they get married. And then lo! These very same people begin to discover new things about each other from the day the wedding bells ring.  Indeed life seems to open so many new windows in their new life. The new faces the couples discover about each other leave them in awe. They wonder what is marriage all about and why are so many secrets hidden behind the two words, “I do…”? While dating has taken the crown and hearts were united, disharmony arises like unhappy people demanding a change in the throne of the heart. Unhappiness of any kind throws us apart, it brings the roof down and couples separate in search of freedom or a second chance.


When two people in love go to the alter to take the vow they are supposed to be at complete union of their souls, a solid promise to be with each other through sorrow and joy until the end. However, life with its many new challenges has brought a change to this act of devotion in laying the first stone to raising a family. More and more people find themselves taking the vow while somewhere at the back of their minds there is this ominous fear: will the marriage work out? Suppose some unpredicted trouble wrecks the vow and the promises made so solemnly become trivial things of the past! Especially the younger generation seems to go through this cold feet emotional turmoil even though the courtship had run a rosy course. While tying the knot, they stand on a solid rock and yet a tremulous sea seems to threaten the existence of the rock itself.


A twenty years old student doing her MS program speaks of her future marriage plans,


“I definitely will not marry without making sure that I can make a way out of it in case we do not fit in together, dating is one thing and living under the same roof is totally different, not to speak of having a family!”


Disrupted family life is like a malady in the modern life. As we know almost 50% of marriages end up in divorces in USA. And across other continents families are finding it hard to stick together as life becomes more challenging day by day. Finding the right partner is the dilemma for men and women these days. Internet has brought the world to the finger tips to search for the soul mate across nations. People are dating on-line and then when it finally it comes to the question of marriage and family, fears and conflicts seem to follow the romance like an evil shadow. Many people choose living together as an easier way to save the romance and have children rather than go to the commitments of the vow. All marriages come with problems and prospects of their own but at times married couples are unable to put up with the uphill battles. The emotional crisis of a failed marriage comes with catastrophes of its own, the children become victims of insecurity and suddenly are cut off from the roots from which they have been nurturing themselves.


The light of education and the awareness of the right to individual freedom have made oppressed women folks conscious of due dignity and empowerment. Now highly qualified women are leading nations, are doctors and lawyers. They recognize their rights to protest to male subjugation. Men too have come a long way in recognizing the potentials of their female counterparts and have accepted their new roles in home making while the wives fly to remotest corners of the world.  In many stereo type societies the male dominance continues and child marriages are common. In such societies when a girl by good luck gets the light of education stands up boldly and questions her rights to accept or reject the life partner set up by the guardians. In Bangladesh, India, Pakistan and many African countries the right to choose one’s life partner is still a challenge to girls, the vow taken unwillingly and with fear.


The vow in different cultures comes with different shadows of doubt and the couples emotionally cower under the challenges of the new life. Those who make it through the rough waters and sail to peaceful family life indeed deserve respect for patience and virtue. Life is no easy path to walk on. All the ups and downs might put to test the promise of devotion but tying the knot these days is no longer just being romantic and placing the ring. People no longer depend on Cupid to strike and find “the one and only”. This saying holds little value to them, divorces and remarrying has become a way of life. Many men and women place brain above the looks. Cupid is finding it hard to shoot the arrow; he himself is not sure if the lovers are meant for each other. He has busier days, he has to shoot the arrows twice or thrice for the same guy and he keeps the arrows ready for the vows come with lingering uncertainties of their own.


Tulip Chowdhury writes from Massachusetts, USA.

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